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Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 22575 times)
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EvilGinger
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« Reply #30 on: 07 June 2011, 19:51:01 »

A Because it had fallen out with its flat mate


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« Reply #31 on: 07 June 2011, 20:08:43 »

A: A harebrush!
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'I don't NEED luck. I eat nuts.'
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« Reply #32 on: 07 June 2011, 20:13:44 »

OUCH!!! so cheasy it was painful but in a good way like it DAT

What's black & white & red all over


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slug
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« Reply #33 on: 07 June 2011, 20:14:42 »

A sunburnt penguin

A newspaper
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...my cold dead fingers. Whats that dear, gaming? no no just going to do some shopping, I may be gone a little while.
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« Reply #34 on: 07 June 2011, 20:22:07 »

A hospitalised zebra.
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EvilGinger
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« Reply #35 on: 07 June 2011, 20:23:41 »

both work but the answer I had in mind was a Book, and now I have to think of another one which is forum friendly as the crowd unsuitable jokes builds in my head such that it may yet 'Splode!! Dats answer also hurts its so very Cheasy indeed

Q what do you get if you cross a Sheep & a Kangaroo


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« Reply #36 on: 07 June 2011, 20:57:15 »

I am sorry I can't hold it in any more... I will burst if I dont type it


A  a woolly jumper of course  Laughing 9 Laughing 3 Laughing 2 Laughing 1


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CrazyFrog
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« Reply #37 on: 08 June 2011, 00:05:15 »

Sorry here comes a bucket load, as it will take too long to drip feed them into the thread

Did you hear about the boat full of burgundy paint that crashed into a deserted island?
The crew was completely marooned!



42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

All generalisations are false, including this one.

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Double your drive space. Delete Windows!

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.

Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.  (Especially if your a fan of Arkham Horror ROTFL)

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

What's the speed of dark?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
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« Reply #38 on: 08 June 2011, 05:42:52 »

Cant think of any thing to post anything  laughing far to much at Crazyfrogs post... Brilliant  Laughing 9


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« Reply #39 on: 08 June 2011, 11:24:26 »

as Best an answer to Crazyfrogs fusillade of humerus cheese, see above for details

Q whats green & red all over
A a beetroot salad

Knock nock,
Who is there?
Doctor Who?
how did you know that

Q whats the difference between a line of soldiers & a Turkey?
A well the first is a Rank & the second Fowl

Patient doctor doctor I have no nose,
Doctor  how do you smell?
Patient I dont know, I told you I have no nose


Q How many redheads does it takes to change a light bulb?
A No on knows because if there are two are more they start arguing with each other!

Q How many Social workers does it take to change a light bulb
A Two one not to do it & a second to tell you that the first is in a meeting


Q How do you confuse train crew
A give them a cup of coffee & tell them its tea break



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CrazyFrog
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« Reply #40 on: 08 June 2011, 12:56:38 »


Q How do you confuse train crew
A give them a cup of coffee & tell them its tea break


Working on the railway, I'd agree that they can be confused very easily.

I'll be "borrowing" this joke for the next few years
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« Reply #41 on: 08 June 2011, 15:54:17 »

That's fine it was designed with your re use entirely in mind as I know you work on the railways?

See I believe in recycling  Grin


but back to Jokes & recycling

here is some more (stolen form a goggle search)

1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3.Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says:" A beer please, and one for the road."

6.Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"

7."Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8.Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9.An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14.What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15.Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!".

16.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
 After about an hour, the manager came out of the office
 and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
 Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes
 she also had a picture of Ahmal.  Her husband responds,
They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20.And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

21 When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe
 playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

22 I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where
the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it
would defeat the purpose.

23 A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.


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« Last Edit: 08 June 2011, 15:57:28 by EvilGinger » Logged

seek solace in the doom of empires and the death of great kings
EvilGinger
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« Reply #42 on: 12 June 2011, 04:59:06 »

A couple off a Yahoo search to rejuvenate the thread

Q What do you do with a dog that has no legs?

A Take him out for a drag.

Q Why did the tomato turn red ?

A it seen the salad dressing.

all courtesy of

http://www.cheesy-jokes.net/category/7/cheesy_jokes

also does Puns so watch out!!!!

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« Reply #43 on: 13 June 2011, 01:45:57 »

Hear about the police who caught a couple of lads carrying a flat battery and some fireworks.
They charged one and let the other off.
« Last Edit: 13 June 2011, 02:16:12 by slug » Logged

...my cold dead fingers. Whats that dear, gaming? no no just going to do some shopping, I may be gone a little while.
EvilGinger
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« Reply #44 on: 13 June 2011, 04:29:07 »

Q What happened to the man with no left arm and left leg ?
A Nothing he's "all right" now.

Q Why are hammerhead sharks not likeable?
A They're all tools.

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